life so far

i'd like to talk a little more about me this time and let you get to know me better.

i had internet access from a very early age. my dad gave me a netbook when i was like 7 years old, and i remember using it to play pet society on facebook, watch a lot of youtube videos, play games on friv, draw in paint, and take photos on webcamtoy. i also liked memes, even though i didn't understand them because i was too young. i remember watching happy tree friends for hours, and also pony.mov (i was a huge fan of my little pony back then—and i still am). i loved the internet. when i was in 2nd grade, i had no friends and was really weird and problematic, so the internet became my safe place.

when i changed school, i finally made some friends. i was still kinda weird and problematic, but at least i had friends. i spent most of my youth in that school. skipping ahead a bit to when i was 11, i had my first real encounter with music. i discovered gorillaz and they quickly became my favorite band. the way i found them is kinda funny: i was playing transformice with a school friend, and one of her friends played 19-2000 and DARE in the game's music player. i was instantly fascinated. i got obsessed real fast and started drawing the characters all the time. at school, i loved drawing and make comics with my friends. even if they were kinda crappy, it was great. i spent so much time creating and drawing ocs with my friends. good times!!!!!! 

i was one of those kids who used amino and liked roleplaying, but honestly, i was pretty happy with that.

i've always lived in a messy household, and all of those things were my distractions—but maybe i'll go deeper into that in another post.

when i started high school is when things really started going downhill. see, when i turned 14, the pandemic hit, and it really messed me up—like it did for most people ig. at first, i distracted myself by talking and playing with my internet friends or drawing on my tablet (which actually worked back then), but as time passed, i started getting depressed and neglected myself a lot. i had a boyfriend during that time, and even though he lived nearby, i barely saw him because of quarantine. we broke up not long after school started again.

in 2022, i hit the lowest point in my life. when i went back to school, i met a guy who liked me, and i started liking him too. we had a relationship, but it was the worst one i've ever had. i won't go into all the details because it's long and messy. when we broke up, i was devastated. i hit rock bottom. i stopped going to school and ended up losing a whole year. during those months away from school, i went back to spending all my time on the internet because i didn't have many friends and i didn't like talking about my problems. it was a really dark time.

when i changed to a new school in 2023, things started to look up. i made new friends quickly, enjoyed going to class, and got more into makeup and developing my own style. but mentally, i still wasn't okay. the breakup still hurt, and i kept thinking about that person. eventually, i had a breakdown. it got so bad i ended up in the hospital. i had to rest for a few days before going back to school, starting therapy, and taking meds.

fast forward a bit to 2024, and things started going wrong again. i began skipping school a lot because i had no motivation and terrible habits. that year, i met a guy and had a more stable relationship. i dropped out of school again, but this time at least i had him to support me. we lived together for a couple of months. he let me stay at his place and i was really grateful for that. but when the relationship ended, i went back home again. obviously, a lot happened in between too, but i don't really want to get into that now. i managed to pass the exams to graduate and also took the ones to get into university.

this year, i started art school at uni, but guess what!! i dropped out again. i only lasted a few months, and even though i really liked it, i felt like i wasn't good enough yet. i decided i need time to figure out what i really want to do. but i'm taking it easy. 

so yeah, those are some of the things that have happened in my life. maybe i'll write more about certain parts later, but that's it for now. i really want some cinnamon tea right now......

oh!! and i have some really cool internet friends at the moment, had to mention that.